All healing begins in the mind therefore, we can only truly heal by first changing our thoughts.

I’ve shared before about my battle with panic and anxiety disorder—how it all began with my first attack in 2009 in the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. That single moment altered my reality forever, triggering a crippling fear of driving, among other things.

Before that attack, I drove everywhere. I loved the freedom of driving. I once drove through three states for a job without a hint of fear. I would work late at the dance studio and drive home at night. Sometimes, I was so tired that I’d pull over and sleep on the side of the road (not something I’d recommend now—the foolishness of youth). The point is, I loved driving.

But that all changed on that day in the tunnel. My world came crashing down, crushed under a weight of fear I had never known before, a fear that quickly took over my life. The days of driving anywhere ended, replaced by days spent pulled over on the side of the road for a different reason. I’d hit the SOS button, and Mercedes would send an ambulance and the police. The person on the call would try their best to calm me as I sat there, trembling, convinced I was having a heart attack.

A WORLD OF PANIC:

Soon, I could no longer drive, fly, or take public transportation. I felt safer with someone else in case I had an attack and needed to go to the hospital, so I would beg my friends to drive with me. Bless their hearts, many did. But when no one could come, I’d avoid situations where I might have an attack, thinking that would keep me safe and panic-free. But I was wrong. Avoidance only fueled the panic, making it grow stronger. I didn’t realize that every time I gave in to my fear, I was giving it power. Over time, even having someone with me couldn’t prevent the attacks.

My world kept shrinking, and I felt powerless to stop it. It was like watching my life play out behind a thick glass wall. I could see the life I wanted to return to but couldn’t break through. I felt myself descending into what felt like a living nightmare.

A PIVOTAL MOMENT:

Then, everything changed with the birth of my son. While I was pregnant, I had a painful epiphany: I would never be able to do the things I wanted to do with him if I remained paralyzed by fear. I cried in the shower, thinking about the kind of mother I was going to be and the kind of life he was going to have because of it.

So, I prayed. I asked God for help, to show me a way to heal. I told the universe that I couldn’t see the path to healing and to please send me a sign—one I couldn’t misinterpret.

THE FIRST SIGN:

The first sign came when my boyfriend, now husband, came home and told me his therapist said that what I was suffering from could be healed. I was just seeing the wrong kind of therapist. I needed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

As soon as he mentioned CBT, I knew that was the sign I was waiting for. I jumped on the computer, found a therapist from the Anxiety and Depression Center of America, and made the call.

My therapist is the most incredible person I’ve ever known. We began working on my thoughts, correcting years of traumatic programming that had led to the fear-based thoughts now running the show.

We met once a week for months until, one day; she said something that changed my life: “If you can create the panic response from negative thought patterns, doesn’t it stand to reason that you can also create a healing response from positive thoughts?”

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR MIND:

A light bulb went on. Having studied the Kybalion, I knew the Law of Polarity. Could it be true? Was the key to my own salvation in my mind?

Could my mind—the one that had spun so out of control that my body’s fight-or-flight response had taken over—could it regain control?

If this was true, I needed to know how. While the thought corrections were helping somewhat, something was still missing. I instinctively knew the brain was too complex for simple thought affirmations. There had to be more to the story, and I needed to find out what. So, I went back to God. “If this is true, bring me the rest of the information I need. Show me how.”

THE SECOND SIGN:

A week later, my chiropractor introduced me to Joe Dispenza’s work. He raved about his book, *Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself*. It was the next sign. I needed to break that habit, too. I bought all his books and devoured everything I could find—videos, courses, anything.

One of the videos explained that creating a new neural pathway through thought correction takes at least three months. And here’s the kicker: you must sit with the fear until your body realizes it isn’t in danger. I had to transfer the power over my body back to my mind. The theory was that once I successfully rewired my brain, I would regain control over my body and stop the attacks.

I looked at my then two-year-old son and thought, “I am going to do this. You and I will travel everywhere together, and you will never even know this is something I suffered from.”

THE EXPERIMENT:

I tried this method, and it worked. I had an attack on the backroads of Greenwich and, as usual, pulled over on the side of the road. But this time, I didn’t call the police. I let the fear take full control—my heart raced, my breathing constricted, my hands and feet went numb and shook. It all happened, and I just sat there and breathed through the fear, consoling myself as I would my child.

A few times, I wanted to run, to crawl out of my skin, screaming for help, but instead, I sat there and cried. And then, the miracle happened—the fear response stopped. Not because I had burned out my adrenals as before—this time, it just went away.

And I drove—all over the backroads of Greenwich. When I got home that day, even though I was exhausted, I was happy. I had done it.

“Great. But you’ll have to keep doing it. Remember, it takes months before the new thoughts become beliefs. You have to keep at this; it isn’t a one-time thing,” my therapist said reassuringly.

The next day, I did it again. I had the attack, let it pass, and kept driving. It happened every time I was on a new road, but I went farther each time. I had to sit with the fear, breathe through it, and keep moving until it no longer held me.

THE TRUE TEST:

“Can you come on my class trip?” my son asked, his big blue eyes wide. His class was going to the aquarium in Norwalk, the furthest I would have driven alone since I started my healing journey.

“Yes,” I said without a second thought.

The morning of the field trip, my heart raced as I prepared to meet his class. This was it—what I had worked so hard for, and I wasn’t backing down. I got in the car, started it, and reminded myself that my fear was created in my mind. I hadn’t even left the house, and I was already nervous. But I gently reminded myself that I was safe. I also reminded myself that if I needed to, I could pull over, let it pass, and keep going. I was finally in control, and that was the difference.

I made it to Norwalk. I had a slight attack, but I drove through it without a problem. The look on my son’s face when he saw me walk through the door was worth every attack I had to endure over the last three months.

A NEW CHAPTER BEGINS:

When my earth story ends, the birth of my son will be the most pivotal chapter—the one that changed my life from living a life of fear to living fearlessly. I still get the attacks from time to time, but today, I am the driver.

Last week, my son and I visited BALLOON STORY in the city. We spent the day just the two of us. We took a photo in front of the Balloon Paris exhibit because we are headed to Paris next.

I’m finally living the life I desperately wished for seven years ago, back when I was on the shower floor, begging God for help.

Never underestimate the power of your mind. What ails you can also heal you. Everyone’s healing journey is different, so use your wisdom to guide you to the right people, places, and information.

And if you believe in the divine, ask God for help—everything you need will be answered.  For as Jesus said:

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives;

Keep Seeking,