Gypsies, Scams and Thieves

To gypsy or not to gypsy, that is the question.

When navigating the ethers for an excellent psychic, the answer, my friends, is simple. No way.

Living in NYC,  I have had many run-ins with gypsies.  They are not all bad as far as humans go; however, when trying to discover the complexities of your life path, I would strongly advise you not to go there.

While I have been lured many times by gypsies on the streets of Manhattan, the most infamous experience that comes to mind was actually on the boardwalk in Atlantic City.

I know what you’re thinking, this story can’t end well when starting with “the boardwalk in Atlantic City.” And you are correct!

Alas, there I was with a friend enjoying the brownish-blue tint of the Atlantic Ocean when the inevitable happened.

Right there on the boardwalk was a sign. “Get your palm read $5.”  It was JUST a sign to any normal person, but to me, it was a homing beacon.

As predicted, it reached out to me with its prophetic tendrils and hooked me in.

“Let’s go get a reading.” I squealed.  Will was an avid tarot card reader, so he readily agreed.  Upon entering their little hut, we saw two ladies badly in need of a dentist chatting away.  As soon as they saw us, they both shot up.  Will went to the right with the younger woman, and I to the left with the grandmother.

I sat down in a tiny chair.  The gypsy smiled at me but didn’t say much.  She picked up my hand and began to study it.

“I see you have perfect health and well-being.  I also see extreme popularity.”

Yes, Yes! I thought.  Tell me more.  So far, this is going great!

“But there is a dark energy blocking this.”  Instant buzz kill.

“Darkness,” I said, thinking about all the creeps in my life.  “I guess that makes sense.”

“Not just darkness. You’re cursed,” she said, eyes wide and black as night.

I sat back in my chair.  Her  features were crimped in such a way that made her a bit more terrifying.

For a brief moment, I had a flash of being drugged and taken to her secret ceremonial cave where she would gut me and use me as a human sacrifice, similar to the Kalima from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  I instinctively covered my heart.

“I can get rid of this curse. This devil is no match for me. Then all the health and popularity will flood like it is destined to.”

I looked up with gratitude. “You would do that?”  My hand remained on my heart … just in case.

“Yes. I will do spells every night for thirty days.  I will light protection candles and wear reiki-charged crystals to attract positive energy.  I will invoke the angelic spirits to help me banish this devil for good.”

Wow, I thought.  Not just darkness, but an actual devil.  Lucky me.

“Is this something you would like me to do?  I can get started tonight.”.

I thought it over for two seconds. “Yes.”

“Praise Jesus.” She threw up her hands dramatically. “You will be saved.”

Yay, I thought.

“That will be five thousand dollars,” she said without a twitch.

“Wait … I’m sorry, what?” I choked out, replacing my hand over my heart.

“That is how much it costs to get rid of it.  But that is only for thirty days.  We may have to do this for six months before we can be sure it’s gone.  But trust me.  When this devil is finally banished, you will smile again.”

“And it’s five thousand dollars every month until it’s exorcised?” I asked incredulously.

“I have to travel to the underworlds of darkness. Walk between life and death to save you from demons that feast on your soul.”

Something about the whole feast on my soul threw me over the edge.

“You know what.  I’m okay with not smiling.  My face is better suited for brooding.”

“This demon has been dragging you down for years, at least ten that I can see.  It must be removed immediately, or you will continue to live a life of pain and suffering.” She retorted.

“Ten years, huh?  Longest relationship to date.” I joked.  She was not amused.

“You will never find love, marry, or have children.  You will be miserable and sad while the devil takes your life from you.”

“Fascinating prophecy .. and while I will certainly heed your warning,  this devil and I seem to have gotten along this far and wouldn’t want to fuck it up now.  Thanks for the reading.”

I ran out of that little hut and into the salty sea air.  I heaved for a moment wiping the sweat off my brow.

“How did it go?” I looked up and saw Will … he looked like an angel surrounded by sunlight.  I ran and hugged him.  “Thank god we got out alive!”

Will laughed. ” Why do you say that?”

“I have a demon attached to me.” I blurted out.

“A whaaaaa?”

“Yeah. And for five thousand dollars, grandma toothless can remove it.  She said my life would continue to suck if I didn’t get rid of the demon. Did you have one too?”  I asked.

“No.  She said she saw all great things in the future.  I was going to be doing what I love, meeting the man of my dreams, and I might be moving to the west coast.  Wait, did you say five thousand dollars?”

“She didn’t ask you for five thousand?  I asked sheepishly

“Hell no, I just paid the five dollars.”

“So I’m darkness, and you’re light.  Perfect.”

Will started to laugh.  “Does your life suck?”

“No.”

“Then she didn’t actually read you, did she? She saw a vulnerability in you that made her think she could get money from you. It’s nothing more than a scam.”

Nothing the Gypsy predicted ever came true.  Perhaps she was full of it from the start like Will expected, or maybe my choices altered her reading. Or perhaps the devil just got bored of me and moved on to someone more exciting … Weinstein? Trump? My dad?

When choosing someone to read for you, it is essential to choose wisely. Not all readers are created equal. And while getting readings may seem fun, you must always do so with a cautious heart. Take only what resonates with you.

After all, our minds are the actual creators of our experience. And no one can predict what we might create next.

Keep Seeking,