A LOVING MISCONCEPTION
As Empaths, we believe in BIG love, romantic love, Hollywood romanticized love, poetic love, and of course, EPIC love! We think that we should love even when it is not reciprocated, and sometimes, at the expense of our happiness and personal safety.
The idea of “loving” people at its most basic level is more about having a loving, kind attitude toward everyone we meet. And we can certainly do this! This includes loving those that are grumpy and not so affectionate toward us. We should be kinder to those people. But we shouldn’t date, marry, befriend, or procreate with them.
While seeing the good in people is an excellent quality, we must learn to do so from afar. We cannot save people who are unwilling or ready to protect themselves. It isn’t the path to happiness for the other person or us. We can, however, have compassion for those who struggle or are tough to love. We can be a good friend to them or an ear when they need it, but we should avoid dating them.
Having compassion for others is not the same as trying to save them. Often, with us empaths, we are seeking to save a part of ourselves that we feel we either lost or is perhaps not good enough to be loved. We then project (there is that word everyone hates) our needs onto our “pet project” and become infinitely disappointed when they do not live up to our expectations.
This hamster wheel repeats ad infinitum until we finally come to understand that we are not quite attracting the right people to ourselves.
If you believe that you must “save” someone, the universe will send you someone who needs to be saved. If you feel you are not good enough, the universe will send you people and situations reinforcing the idea that you are not good enough. And if you genuinely believe that you do not deserve love, then the law of attraction will bring those who prove you are correct. BUT! If you think you are worthy of love and are good enough, the universe will conspire to give you what you need.
Changing our thoughts and belief systems is key to unlocking our full empathetic potential as creative, sensitive, intuitive beings. A deep understanding of our need to save will help us channel that energy into charitable acts benefiting society and humanity on a much grander scale.
It will allow us to shift focus from becoming involved in toxic relationships and situations that drain our energy, often resulting in abusive relationships, to expressing universal love to all those who could benefit from and appreciate our kindness.
In the relationship arena, a healthy relationship is a balanced give and take. Both partners have a mutual love, respect, and concern for each other, with each contributing their best selves to the partnership. If you are in a relationship that feels like you are constantly giving, leaving you drained and irritated, you might be loving the wrong person.
It’s time to take a deep look and ask yourself why you want to save someone else at the detriment of your happiness. You do not have to sacrifice for love or be a martyr. There is no point in living a miserable life just so some parasites can be happy with themselves, which they never will be.
The work is within. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Tear down your walls and rebuild them with positive beliefs and ideas. Go deep within and tell yourself you are worthy of being loved by someone wonderful who will treat you with the mutual respect and kindness you deserve. The universe will bring those people and situations into your life. Remember, the Law of Attraction is tried and true; what you put out is sure to come back to you.
When we shift the focus within and heal the parts of us that need thought correction; our lives will change. When we focus on loving ourselves first, and I’m not talking about selfish love, as that comes from deep psychological need and ego, we will start to notice that others respond to us in kind. And we will finally understand that the love we have been so desperately trying to find outside of ourselves by saving others is really within.
As the late great Whitney Houston sang, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”