We all have them. Those people who have overstayed their welcome in our lives, who have not contributed much in the way of positivity, and yet we insist on keeping them around. Doing so creates a toxic cocktail that we are all too willing to drink.
I’ve always wondered why we insist on keeping these people in our lives. I used to have quite a few people like this who brought me nothing but unhappiness. Coming from a background of abandonment and abuse, I gravitated to this persona—the more horrible the person, the better.
They wear many faces: The back-handed complimenter. The shit talker. The one-upper. The I- only- call-you-when -I-want-something-from-you person. How about the “There-was-no-one-better around-so-I’m-reaching-out-to-you friend? Or my personal favorite, the “I’m feeling shitty about my life, so want to take it out on you.”
These are just some of the ways these fabulous humans behave, and we tolerate it. We take it so much that they become used to us accepting their atrocious behavior, and we become all too willing to appease their tantrums.
You can’t win with these personality types! If you try to confront them, they will deny it, as most of them love to project, not reflect. They will masterfully turn the conversation against you, which might end up having you apologizing for something you didn’t even do. And god forbid you to treat them the way they’ve treated you! They will likely lash out at you because “how dare you” disrespect them. I know; the irony is not lost.
Compassionate people will often try to rationalize keeping these demons in their lives for fear of losing a friend. But the truth is we are poisoning ourselves. We are drinking a toxic emotional cocktail that robs us of joy, self-respect, and happiness. And yet, like any other addiction, we keep returning for more.
So the question is, why do we put up with it? There are many contributing factors as to why one would willingly drink this poison, but fear is the most prevalent one. Deep down, we fear we are not loveable and need to please people to get them to like us. And because we fear this, we continue to choke down that cocktail at the expense of our sanity and emotional health.
But we don’t have to put up with these people. Whether they are long-time friends, relatives, or bosses, we can tell them to fuck off and move on. The minute you realize you are a unique, loveable co-creation of the universe, you will no longer feel the need to tolerate such silly nonsense. I realize this is easier said than done, but it is possible. And it is possible without burning bridges, starting fights, or engaging in intense, emotionally draining conversations.
So how does one detox from this situation? Be unavailable. When you suddenly disappear and are no longer free to have a toxic shot with these harbingers of negativity, they will disappear. They will flit and flitter off into the moonlight to find someone else who is willing to be their punching bag.
As for you, this one act of letting go and choosing yourself will tell the universe you are ready for a change. The universe will respond in kind with…wait for it…NEW PEOPLE! I know it’s hard to believe, but the universe wants you to be happy and will make way for you to have new bosses and new co-workers, and while you can’t have a new family (unless you are starting your own), you can certainly attract new friends who are like family. The universe is very accommodating that way.
Remember, you are loveable. You don’t need anyone’s approval, and you never need to drink in anyone’s toxic garbage.