Much talking is a source of danger. Through silence misfortune is avoided. The talkative parrot in a cage is shut, while birds that cannot talk fly freely.”
Tibetan Yogi
How often do we think about what we should say before the words come flying out of our mouths?
LOSS OF A FRIENDSHIP
Recently I had a situation where a long time friend and I had a miscommunication. It was something that if given half a chance we could have easily cleared up.
Unfortunately, this person was so consumed by anger and rage they decided on another path.
Before a conversation could be had, I received a slew of rage texts, telling me off, based on a false narrative.
While I tried to come from a place of understanding, apologizing for the hurt I may have caused, the barrage of insults, revisionist history, and unwarranted name-calling continued.
I was at first understanding, as sometimes when people are hurt they like to hurt others. I reflected on what was said, and while there were lines that were crossed, it wasn’t until the last text that I realized I had to re-evaluate the friendship.
I thought back to every time over the history of our relationship they had wielded their venomous tongue without regard for my feelings, having always been forgiven and their behavior excused.
I had to ask myself if I still had feelings for this person and a sincere desire to salvage what was left of our friendship or if I had simply outgrown them.
Your friends are they who think as you do.
Buddha
Meditating upon our friendship, I realized we met at a time in my life when anger and inherent sadness were my ruling emotions. And as like attracts like, through our pain we were connected by a common thread, one that while in the beginning had bonded us, in the end, would not stand the test of time.
Upon receiving the last abusive text, I understood I was going to have to make a hard decision.
There was no care, or genuine love in any of the communications I received. There was nothing that pointed to sincere respect for me as a human being. It was heartbreaking to see that someone I had loved so much could be so careless with their words. As I read that final text one last time, I realized this person had become toxic to my well-being and I needed to close the door on the friendship for good.
CONTROLLING OUR WORDS
Often times we can surprise ourselves with the things we say and those we are saying them to.
We have all been on the receiving end of texts, emails, calls, or fights where things were said to or about us, that no matter how the situation resolved, left an open wound of distrust.
And we ourselves have delivered those blows to people, unjust, and without thinking, slaying them callously with our serpent tongues.
For many of us, our tongues are the master and us its servant, slaves to what it speaks in our name, unable to stop it from wagging.
And so we engage in oratorical battles that serve to get us nowhere. The one possessing power over the other twisting, spinning, deceiving, and hiding facts in order to tear down another’s point of view.
Heated arguments, almost never bring desired outcomes. They often result in hurt feelings, each party trying to vehemently defend their own prestige even knowing they are in the wrong.
THE WRATH OF ANGER
Anger is a slow poison that kills the one who harbors it.
Ask yourself this; “With whom do you fight with when you are angry?”
The answer is… yourself.
Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy, and when you express anger in lieu of love you become the worst enemy of yourself.
All bad decisions come from allowing ourselves to become emotionally self-indulgent. And when we direct our emotions whether justified or not toward another in an unkind, deliberately hurtful manner, we end up hurting ourselves.
Anger grows tenfold when met with anger. So lowering yourself into that energy will not put you in a favorable position to win an argument.
Weaponizing your words against others does not prove how powerful you are, rather, it demonstrates your fundamental weakness.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY
Words once spoken, or written cannot be taken back. They are thoughts that have been expressed into the ethers and it is there forever they live.
Many times we say things we wish we hadn’t, but once said our words cannot be retracted, and even though we may eventually apologize for the things we’ve said, it is often too late, the damage already done.
We must have the courage and a strong will-power to control our tongues by realizing how dangerous and harmful they are, not just to others but to ourselves.
MOVING ON
We may not be saintly enough to love enemies, but for the sake of our health and happiness, let us least forgive them and forget them.”
Dale Carnegie
Through the power of forgiveness, I know I can eventually look back on my friendship as something I truly cherished, something I am grateful for. It often through the veil of nostalgia we can appreciate our past and the fond memories of others.
While we can be tempted to defend ourselves, when someone weaponizes words against you, do not meet their verbal daggers with daggers, instead, send them peaceful thoughts of love, and continue down your path without them.
For as the Buddha once said, ” Blessed are they who earn their living without harming others.”
Keep Seeking,
TPJ